Embracing the end of another chapter

I pulled myself away from my life at the moment and looked at it from a third person point of view, and I am struck with a myriad of emotions.

In about a month's time, I will be in my final semester. In less than half a year, I will never have to study for exams again (unless I choose to walk the path of becoming Master Charissa hehe).

In less than half a year, the sinister members of the rat-race will welcome me into their world, happy with the fresh meat that they have to devour.

In less than half a year, I will grow a pair of horns so green and make sure I tell myself to be careful of my surroundings.

All that in less than half a year, and I still have no idea which life path I'd like to take.

How will I know the industry I'd like to venture into when I don't know where my interests lie?

Tonight, as I detached myself from my life, I thought hard and I couldn't figure out what I like anymore. The things I used to take interest in, the things I used to spend so much time reading up on; I don't do anymore. The things I used to enjoy doing, I've developed a certain apathy to it.

They say the good is the enemy of the best; I'd say apathy is the enemy of an individual.

If we all develop that apathy towards everything around us, what else is there in life that would keep us happy?

I've been so apathetic about everything, that it scares even myself. My studies, relationships with people, my interests, my future. It's weird how I used to be so anxious over everything, but now, I am just so tired and exhausted from worrying about everything and how everything is going to go in my life; working so hard to keep things together, making sure that everything goes according to my plans; I am so exhausted, that I develop this indifference and let everything be.

If I'm living life to the fullest, why do I return home everyday feeling like the energy and life has just sapped out of me?

Why do I look forward to returning home after meeting up with people and going out to see the world? Why does curling up in bed with a nice DVD movie to watch sound so appealing to me when there is so much more out there for me to see?

I just come home everyday feeling tired, moodless and relieved.

At the same time, how can the same DVD-loving, blanket-warming, I-prefer-to-stay-at-home girl look forward to simple walks in the park, happy kite-flying trips, live jazz music and chill-out drinks? If I say I prefer staying at home, then why do I enjoy going out; then while I'm out, look forward to going home? I don't get it.

Who am I anymore, man?

I don't know where this post is headed, but I guess I just needed to clear my mind for a while before I go back to my books.

Productivity and Costs are linear equations

Today, I walked into Czip Lee after a productive two-hour session of studying in Starbucks.

I walked in telling myself to only look at whatever new stationery they brought in and to see if I needed anything for my coming exams.

45 minutes later, like a hero, I walked out of Czip Lee with a bag of pastel pink, blue and green color paper clips, feeling like I've made myself happy and that my productivity was worth it.

Now, snapped back to sobriety, I'm thinking what I can do with my new pink paper clips while it sits on my desk waiting to be put to work.

I admit, it was because I was drawn to the pink paper clips that I bought them.

It wasn't only the paper clips. I saw this pink Dymo caption maker, and a pink calculator.

It's alllll about the control *Inhales and Exhales*

Why do they make these things?

There's actually a dozen of them

I'm back from Cameron's! :D

Pretty pink roses are the love.

Although I still love sunflowers more.

They look pretty with all my other pink stuff. Fitting in nicely. :]

More pictures soon.